Bullseye! (trainboy54's version)/Transcript

(Scene starts outside of the Flynn-Fletcher home) (In the backyard, Ben's working on a junk sculpture and currently is using a blowtorch) Phineas: Hey, Ben. Whatcha doin'? Ben: Hey, Phineas. Hey, Ferb. I'm just working on my junk sculpture for the Modern Installations by Mons charity auction. Phineas: Cool! Seen Jon? Ben: He headed out for a speaking engagement on antiques. Phineas: Aw, we're gonna shoot darts and we thought he might want to play around. Ben: Maybe next time. (In Candace's room, Candace is typing something on her computer) Candace: What a racket! Those guys are so busted. (blowtorch crackling) (Candace gets off her chair then walks off) I can't believe Mom isn't hearing this. (In the backyard, Ben stops wielding and then lifts up the protection mask) Ben: Man, I've really got a knack for this modern art stuff. I need to go get more materials! (drops the blowtorch; runs off) (Candace opens the slider then walks into the backyard) Candace: So, mid-crime, huh? (Looks at the junk sculpture which she thinks Phineas and Ferb had made. Camera then pans back to show the entire backyard.) They'll be back.

(In the front yard, Phineas and Ferb are on a giant dart when Isabella goes to join them) Isabella: Hey, Phineas. Whatcha doin'? Phineas: Oh, hey, Isabella! We're playing giant darts! Isabella: (flirtatiously) I bet you'll get a bulls-eye. Phineas: (obliviously) Sure. Maybe not on the first try. It's all about little adjustments. And Buford and Baljeet are manning the target across town. (Across town, Baljeet's been pulling a cart with a giant target on it.) Baljeet: Tell me again how you are helping? Buford: (lounging on a beach chair) I'm supervisin'! (Back in the front yard) Phineas: All right, here we go! Elevation, 33 degrees. Three, two, one... Isabella: Have fun! (Just after the giant dart leaves, Linda's backing her car down the driveway) Ben: Hi, Isabella. Isabella: Hi, Ben. (Scene shifts to Phineas and Ferb flying in the air on the giant dart) Phineas: With our current velocity and wind resistance, we should be nearing the target in no time. (The giant dart flies past a sign for Honest Guy Used Cars. A hand on the sign then breaks off.) Phineas: Whoops! Better retract the launch mechanism. (He does so as the giant dart passes by D.E.I.)

(Scene shifts to Jon Driving to his speaking engagement.) Jon: Let's see, where to. 9019, Palindrome Road. (Camera pans to the previously seen sign. The broken cardboard hand falls off of it, lands on the road, and a piece of paper drops out of the sun visor. Jon then hits the aforementioned item and his car starts to tip over.) Jon: Oh! That was close. (rights the car back up) Whoops! Dropped the address. (picks up the paper) (places paper on the sun visor) 6106, Palindrome Road. Better get moving.

(Across town, Baljeet shields his eyes and spots the giant dart, which is currently off-screen) Baljeet: Phineas and Ferb at ten o'clock! Phineas: Oops. Outer ring. We'll try again. Buford: Zero. Write that down, Baljeet. (The launch mechanism on the giant dart crawls away) Baljeet: Oh, yes, by all means, I do not want to forget to add zero later. Phineas: Hey, I meant to ask you earlier. Where's Perry?

(Scene shifts to the backyard where Perry's taking a nap near one of his entrances. His wrist communicator beeps and he wakes up with a gasp. He goes into agent mode while a piece of the siding opens. The teal-furred monotreme then rolls into the entrance and lands in his chair with a back-flip.) Major Monogram: Good morning, Agent P. Our sources tell us that the members of L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N., (Close up of Perry) the League Of Villainous Evildoers Maniacally United For Frightening Investments in Naughtiness, (Camera pans back) are about to gather to elect their new leader. But we don't know where or how. See if you can gain access, and we'll survey the situation remotely through your wrist communicator. (Perry presses a button, straps on his jet-pack, then leaves his lair)

( Perry, flying on his jet-pack, has arrived at D.E.I. He unbuckles from the jet-pack, leaps through a two-paneled window, and falls into a tube.) Doofenshmirtz: (laughs) Right in there. (Perry lands into the trap... a large empty bottle) You've heard of a ship in a bottle? Well, you're Perry the Platypus in a bottle. (picks up bottle) Anyway, today is the day I become the supreme leader of L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N.! You remember L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N., the League Of Villainous Evildoers Maniacally... (mumbling) Whatever? (Close-up of Perry) Huh? Remember them? (Camera pans back) Well, we gotta moving. (holds up bottle) Maybe we'll get some hot dogs or something on the way. (walks off) You like hot dogs, right?

(Back in the backyard, Candace is now sitting by the junk sculpture) (thudding) Candace: (gasps; stands up) That came from the front yard! (runs off) Phineas and Ferb! (Ben walks into the backyard, carrying items for the junk sculpture) (In the front yard, the giant dart is getting ready for its second launch. It leaves just as Candace opens the front door.) Candace: A-ha! Huh? (drill whirring) (gasps) Backyard! (slams door closed) (Ben's now backing out of the driveway for the second time) Ben: Feathers. It needs feathers. (Candace is back in the now empty backyard) Candace: (gasps) Oh. My. Gosh.

(Scene shifts to the Danville Arena, and Jon is driving towards the parking lot) Jon: (stops his car) This is the place. (Backstage; a man is at a desk looking at a paper.) Jon: Yes, um, I'm supposed to be onstage. Man: (puts paper down) They're about to get started. (pushes Jon towards stage) Go, go, go! (Song: We're Evil) ♪ If you wanna see evil tonight at its best ♪ ♪ We're the coolest of people ♪ ♪ Put us to the test ♪ ♪ If you're looking for heinous and iniquitous acts ♪ ♪ Ethics cannot contain us ♪ ♪ Sit back and relax ♪ ♪ One of these cats will be our villainous star ♪ ♪ So without further ado ♪ ♪ Here they are! ♪ Rodney: I am Rodney, and I am from the great state of South Dakota, home of beautiful Mt. Rushmore... For now! Doofenshmirtz: "I'm Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, and I like unicorns and rainbows..." Wait, who switched my... Rodney: (laughs) Diminutive: I'm Dr. Diminutive and I don't have a Napoleon complex. Napoleon had a me complex! Don't cross me! ♪ Of course L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N bylaws which govern us all ♪ ♪ Say to enter this pageant, you must this tall ♪ ♪ So you're disqualified! ♪ Diminutive: You can't do that! ♪ Yes, we can! ♪ Diminutive: Why? ♪ 'Cause we're evil ♪ ♪ Evil ♪ ♪ Evil tonight! ♪ Jon: Hey, is this the way to the stage? Announcer: It looks like we have a late entry! (Camera pans to Perry, who spits out his drink onto the glass. He then wipes some off to see better.)

(Across town, Baljeet spots the giant dart for the second time) Baljeet: Phineas and Ferb at ten o'clock again! Phineas: Awesome! Triple ring, triple score! Buford: Yeah, but in the one-point wedge. Three points, Baljeet. Baljeet: When do I get to supervise? Buford: Don't hold your breath.

(In the backyard, Candace's back to watching the junk sculpture) Candace: No one comes in, no one goes... (dart squeaking) Forget it. I'm not moving. (squeaking continues) Phineas: (off screen) Okay, Ferb, let's reset and adjust both axes by five degrees. Candace: (groans) I can't stand it! (runs off) (Once again, the giant dart leaves just before Candace opens the front door) Candace: Ha! (drill whirring) Candace: (closes door) I'm gonna bust you yet! (And once again, Ben pulls her car out of the driveway) Ben: Now to the butcher for the finishing touch. (Back in the backyard) Candace: What the...?

(Scene shifts to the Arena, where the pageant is about to begin) Announcer: Welcome to the first annual L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. Pageant of Evil,... (Camera pans to the left to show Jon, Doofenshmirtz, and Rodney) ...where these three gentlemen will vie for the chance to tell you what's what. Jon: I thought I was prepared for that speech. Announcer: In addition to gaining total control of the iron... (Camera pans to Perry, who has his bill and hands pressed on the glass) ...hand of L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N.,... (Perry pulls out a glass cutter out from his fedora then starts cutting the glass bottle) our contestants will each receive a commemorative flashlight... (Just then, Perry's wrist communicator beeps) 'Major Monogram: (on wrist communicator) Agent P, it's come to our attention that Trainboy54, has somehow entered the L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. Supreme Ruler Pageant. (Close-up of Perry, with glass cutter in his left hand, looking at his wrist communicator) Of course, considering his genial nature,... (Close-up of Monogram on Perry's wrist communicator) ...a win for him would really stretch my suspension of disbelief. But just in case, you better sit tight and just observe. (Camera pans back to the announcer, and there's a scoreboard showing on a monitor) Announcer: Remember, points will be awarded by the audience,... (Camera pans to some of the audience, all holding a voting device ) ...so get out your voting boxes. (Camera pans back to the announcer) Our first evil event, the mechanical mother. (Camera pans to the right. A trap door opens to reveal the aforesaid robot then it pans to show the three contestants.) Show us how you treat the old lady! Jon: Here goes. (at the mechanical mother) Hello, Grandmom. I've brought you a mother's day card. Mechanical mother: Oh, such a nice boy. (audience laughing) (Camera pans to Doofenshmirtz and Rodney) Rodney: I didn't think anyone could be more incompetent at being evil than you. Doofenshmirtz: Me neither. (Close-up of a worried Perry) Announcer: And now, he's serving her tea without a trace of irony! (Perry gives a sigh of relief. The camera then pans back to Doofenshmirtz and Rodney) Jon: (as he walks back) (to the other two) How easy is that? Rodney: Prepare yourself for a stunning display of filial beastliness. (walks away) Doofenshmirtz: Yeah, knock yourself out, Rodney. Rodney: (holding a present; at the mechanical mother) Hello, Mother. (kneels on one knee) I've brought you something special! (Audience booing; Rodney stands up) Mechanical mother: For me? (opens present) You're such a good... (Close-up of the present, which has dirty laundry in it) Announcement: Ooh! Dirty laundry! (Close-up of the mechanical mother) And there go the waterworks. (Mechanical mother "cries"; audience cheers) Rodney: (chuckles) Yeah. That's how it's done, boys. Mechanical mother: Oh! My baby still needs me! Rodney:' Huh? Announcer: Oh, no! Tears of joy? Zero points for that move! Doofenshmirtz: Ooh, you monster. Watch and learn, Rodney. (clears throat; at mechanical mother) I am getting married again. (Doofenshmirtz walks off and then the mechanical mother explodes.) (Close-up of the audience) Announcer: Audience, get your votes in, please. (Camera pans to the scoreboard. And at the end of event 1, it's Doofenshmirtz in the lead with 146 points, followed by Rodney with 2 and Jon with zero.) Jon: Wow, good show! (Doofenshmirtz blows a raspberry at Rodney) Announcer: And we're back with everyone's favorite, the swimwear competition! Here comes Jon Mcdowell... (Camera pans to the stage and the black curtains open) ...wearing his bathing suit,... (A grinning Jon comes on stage, wearing his swim suit.) ...Nice show, Jon! (Lawrence bows while the audience applauses) Next up is Heinz Doofenshmirtz. (Doofenshmirtz comes out wearing a Speedo, towel, and roller skates) Doofenshmirtz: Wait, I thought this was the talent competition! (skates off balance; falls head first into a toilet; muffled yelling) It won't stop flushing! (audience laughs) Announcer: (pause) And last is Rodney in his... (curtain opens) Oh, my gosh! Rodney: (growls) (audience gasps) Rodney: (leaps out of tank; removes rubber mask) Technically, it is a swimsuit. (Camera pans to the scoreboard. And at the end of event 2, it's now a tie between Doofenshmirtz and Rodney with 342 points while Jon is finally on the board with 8. Perry gives a sigh of relief.)

(Backyard; Candace's looking at the junk sculpture) Candace: Meat? What possible functionality could that have?

(Scene shifts to the backstage at the Arena, where Doofenshmirtz walks out of one of the changing rooms) Doofenshmirtz: Oh, come on, Rodney, the last event's about to... What? Wait, that's my Make-Everything-Evil-inator! Rodney: No, Doofy, it's my Make-Everything-Evil-izer. It's an -Izer. Doofenshmirtz: You're a jerk, you know that? Rodney: Yes! And I'm going to be more of one when I zap myself with this! (pulls on a lever) I'll be so evil there'll be no way I can lose! Doofenshmirtz: (quickly sits on Rodney's lap) I'll zap me first! (A fight then starts between the two evil scientists) (with Rodney) You quit it! (Doofenshmitz then breaks off the lever) Rodney: You broke my Izer! Doofenshmirtz: Inator! Inator! Rodney: Shut it! Doofenshmirtz: No, you shut it! (Just then, Jon walks out of another dressing room) Jon: What's with the argu... (Jone gets zap by the ray, falls through the curtain, and somehow arrives on the stage. He turns around, then laughs deviously. The camera pans to a worried Rodney and Doofenshmirtz.) Rodney, Doofenshmirtz: Uh-oh.

(In the backyard, two delivery men has arrived to take the junk sculpture away) Delivery Man: Excuse us. We're here to take this... thing away. Candace: (stands up from lawn) What? No! Delivery Man: Sorry, kid. We got a work order right here. Candace: No! Nooooo!

(Scene shifts to the Arena where the third and final event is about to begin) Announcer: And now the final event where each of our three contestants will attempt to intimidate the others with only the force of his evil glare. Contestants, take your marks. (The trio does so, each moving to a different place on the stage.) Get set. And begin! (audience cheers) The voting has started! Look at those fingers go! (Close-up of the scoreboard then of Rodney) Rodney is off to an early lead. It's the pointy-ear advantage! But wait! What's this? (Close-up of Jon) Mcdowell has his eyes covered. He's not even trying! (Perry gives a sigh of relief) Announcer: This could be a real opportunity for Doofenshmirtz! (Close-up of Doofenshmirtz's face and then Rodney's) He leers at Rodney. Rodney returns it. With a point! A classic gambit! (Camera pans to the scoreboard) The scores are really ticking up now and... Wait! There's a stirring in the McDowell corner. (Another close-up of Jon, but this time his hand's shaking) Something's happening... (A white light appears and after Jon removes his hand, Doofenshmirtz gasps in shock) Doofenshmirtz: Such evil! (Jon then looks at Rodney) Rodney: (shielding his face) Oh! My eyes! Announcer: And the crowd is going wild! McDowell's numbers are skyrocketing! (Camera pans to a worried Perry, and then his wrist communicator starts beeping) Major Monogram: (on wrist communicator) Agent P, our sensors reveal that Trainboy54 has been shot with a Make-Everything-Evil-izer. If he should become the supreme leader of L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N., we will have no choice but to reassign you. You must find a way to snap him out of it. Remind him of his true, good nature. Remind him who he used to be! (Perry straps on his jet-pack then blasts his way out of the glass bottle. When he reaches outside, the sky is beginning to darken.) Phineas: (off screen) This is the one, Bro. I can feel it. (Perry tips the tail end of the giant dart, which changes its course to the Danville Area. Inside, the announcer puts a medal on Jon's neck.) Announcer: I now present to you, the new supreme leader of L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N., Jon McDowell! Jon: Today, Danville! Tomorrow, the world! (chuckling) Doofenshmirtz: We have term limits in L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N., right? Rodney: Nope! Jon: (laughs evilly) (Just then, the giant dart comes flying in and...) Phineas: Bull's-eye! (Jon continues to evilly gloat then the camera pans to Phineas and Ferb) Phineas: I think that's Jon. Ferb: What's with that laughter of his? Phineas: Hi, Jon! (Jon turns around and when he sees the boys, he stops with the evil laughter. Then flashbacks from previous episodes are then being shown.) Jon: (taking off medal; flings it away) Phineas! Ferb! What are you doing here? (Perry gives a sign of relief then takes off on his jet-pack) Jon: (shaking Phineas's hand) Brilliant shot, by the way! Phineas: Ah, it's all about little adjustments. (Close-up of the medal then the camera pans to Doofenshmirtz and Rodney) Doofenshmirtz, Rodney: Mine! Mine! Mine! (The two evil scientists start fighting and arguing over the medal) Rodney: It's mine! Doofenshmirtz: Ooh! I hate you! Phineas: (as he, Ferb, and Jon walk away) So, how'd it go, Jon? Jon: I don't know, but I think I became king of some Pharmacist. (Perry, in pet mode, is waiting for the boys and Jon at the exit) Phineas: Awesome!

(At the Flynn-Fletcher home, the junk sculpture is currently lying on the back of a flatbed truck. One of the delivery men is holding back a stubborn Candace, who still thinks Phineas and Ferb has built it.) Candace: (grunts) No! Not until Mom has seen it. Delivery Man: Sorry, miss, I got a job to do. Ben: Candace is right. Because it's not done yet. (Camera shows Ben climbing onto the flatbed. Ben then places a coat hanger on the sculpture.) Ben: There. Take it away, guys. That junk sculpture should bring in big bids at the auction. (climbs down the flatbed) Candace: (in surprise) Junk sculpture? (stuttering) (The flatbed truck drives down the driveway) Ben: Candace, it's not like lip-synching is my only talent. Candace: (continues stuttering) Ben: Now you're just being rude!? Candace: But... Ben: (Punches Candace in the face and rolls hie eyeballs upper left) (End credits) (Song: We're Evil) Diminutive: I don't have a Napoleon complex. Napoleon had a me complex! Don't cross me! ♪ Of course L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N bylaws which govern us all ♪ ♪ Say to enter this pageant, you must this tall ♪ ♪ So you're disqualified! ♪ Diminutive: You can't do that! ♪ Yes, we can! ♪ Diminutive: Why? ♪ 'Cause we're evil ♪ ♪ Evil ♪ ♪ Evil tonight! ♪