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The Official "The Flying Fishmonger" Title Card

Scene opens up showing the Flynn-Fletcher house.

Grandpa Reg: And that, ladies and gents, is how I defeated the wild tigers in the Amazon.
Phineas: Awesome story, Grandpa Reg.
Lawrence: Well, I'm sure you'll hear plenty more fantastical stories during Gran and Gramp's visit.

Ben: Awesome! It’s an honour having Grandpa Reg and Grandma Winifred to visit. It’s also an honour for you to tag along with us, Sam!

Sam: Thanks Ben. I can’t wait for what adventure we will have today!

Linda: You know you two, I was thinking me, Lawrence, Candace and Winifred could head to the mall while you and Rej look after Phineas and Ferb while we’re away!

Ben: You can count on us Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher. Can’t she, Sam?

Sam: Of course! You leave the worrying to us! And Rej will do a good job too!

Grandma Winifred': What a splendid idea! I'd love to treat Candace to some new clothes.
(Gasps) I'll be in the... car.
Phineas: Hey, Mom. Could we hear some more of Grandpa's cool stories?
Linda: Sounds good to me.
: Wonderful. We'll see you boys later.

Sam: Ok. Let’s see what Grandpa Rej has in store for us!

Ben: Ok Grandpa Rej. Show us what you got! Grandpa Reg: My boy, what's this behind your ear? It's me scrapbook!
Ben: WA? Hey, how did you do that? Grandpa Reg: It's just a little bit of "How's you're father". I may seem like a barmy ol' git now, but when I wasn't so long in the tooth, I had some grand larks and engaged in a fair amount of derring-do.
Sam: Did anyone catch any of that?

Ferb: When he was younger, he did a bunch of stuff.

Sam: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! Grandpa Reg: Here I am as a young lad. I made my livin' work at the family Fish and Chips shop. But I was destined for bigger things. I was known as The Great Flying Fishmonger. Here's my first jump over my dear mum's tea society. Me jumpin' a whale, a ton of crumpets, the Queen Mum. But there was one jump that haunts me to this day; McGregor's Gorge of Doom.
(Flashback) (Narrating) People turned out by the thousands to witness me in my trusty motor bike, the
Holy Mackerel, make our biggest jump yet. The event was so massive, I hired a local band to write me a theme song.
Band: (Dirge-like)
He's a Fishmonger, and he flies Grandpa Reg: But it wasn't exactly a toe-tapper. Then all of a sudden, it started to rain. I had to postpone my great feat. The second go at it weeks later had the same result! And yet another attempt; nothing but blasted rain again.
Man: Let's go!
Woman: Yeah. I've got teeth not to brush.
(Flashback ends) Grandpa Reg: Over the years, my eyesight went, and with the lumbago... (Grunts) ...Sciatica... (Creaking)...Bursitis and... Wait for it...

Sam: Wait for what?



Grandpa Reg: Trick knee, jumpin' McGregor's Gorge is an intention lost to the past.
Ben: Wow, Reg. So whatever did you do with the Holy Mackerel?
Grandpa Reg:
She's right over there. Athough I see your mother turned her into a lamp.
Phineas: Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today! Ben, you and Sam can help!

Ben: I’d love to help you and Ferb Phineas, but I have to go to the mall to get a new Thomas & Friends video game but I’m sure Sam would love to help out!

Sam: Woah woah woah WHAT? Ben, if Mrs Flynn-Fletcher sees that you’re not looking after Phineas and Ferb you’re goanna get busted!

Ben: Don’t worry about it. Just do as best as you can, Sam! I believe in you!

Sam: Aww thanks Ben! I’ll do it!

Candace: Oh, Grandma, you're gonna love this mall! I'll show you my favorite store, and there's this little dress that-- (Ding) Hmm... (Dialing) Stacy, I have a strange feeling that ground just broke into my backyard. I need you to get over there and tell me what's going on.

(Trucks beeping) Phineas: Judging from this photo of McGregor's Gorge, we're right on track! Who's the tiger?

Sam: I’m not sure, but whoever it is must have a pretty good eye! Isabella: Hey, Sam! Whatcha doin'?

Sam: Oh, hey Isobella! I’m looking after Phineas and Ferb while the others are at the mall. Ben was supposed to be here buuuuuuuuuut he went out to get a new Thomas and Friends video game and left me in charge! If you want to know what Phineas is doing, you should ask him!

Isabella: Hey, Phineas! Whatcha doin'?
Phineas: Hey, Isabella: We're helping Grandpa Reg fill his crushed dreams.
Isabella: Where's Ferb?
Phineas: He's in the garage restoring the mackerel.
(Fizzing) Isabella: Cool. Well, I brought this cute, little toy over for Perry. Where is he?
Phineas: Huh. I don't know.

Sam: Wow. She’s the only one who doesn’t say it more often!

Carl: Oh, hey, Agent P. Monogram's thrown his back out...
Major Monogram: I'm on the floor, Agent P.
Carl: ... So I'll be giving you your assignment, okay? Okay.
Major Monogram: Do a closeup.
Carl: Huh? Oh, yeah. Huh. (Beep) (Clears throat) Doofenshmirtz has been purchasing some suspicious items: Bags of sand, and extra-long shoelace. We know he's up to no good. Get out there and see what he's up to. (At Major Monogram) How was that?
Major Monogram: Just hand me my pills, Carl.

Grandpa Reg: What's all the kerfuffle, lads?

Sam: We’re walking and walking and walking and we’re still walking and there! You can open your eyes now.
Grandpa Reg:
Blimey! It's McGregor's Gorge and the Holy Mackerel! Ferb, you've restored my pride and joy! But, uh, I can't operate a motorbike in my condition. Remember the-

Sam: Don’t tell me!


Sam: Yeah that’s it! Phineas: No problem. Ferb's tricked out the whole bike. Lumbar support, padded seating, ergonomic controls, and the best part - Side cars, one for us,one for Sam and one for Ben… if he shows up! See, as much as we wanna help you fulfill your dream, we also really want to jump a gorge.
Grandpa Reg: Well, then you'll come with me. The Flyin' Fishmongers shall jump again!

Sam: Why do I have a feeling this is extremely dangerous?

(Fanfare) Grandma Winifred: Oh, my dear. You look like a queen! Brava!
Candace: Uh, can we get out of here, like, NOW? Before anyone I know happens to see—

Ben: Oh my gosh Candace! You look… amazing!

Candace: Ben? What are you doing here? I thought you, Sam and Grandpa Reg were looking after the boys!

Ben: Oh yeah about that! I was goanna get a new Thomas & Friends Video Game, but unfortunately they said they were out of stock forever and I kinda left Sam in charge!

Candace: Wait a minute. SAM’s in charge?!

Ben: Yeah he is. Uh oh! Candace: (Phone rings) Hello? Oh, hey, Stacy. (At Linda) Mom! Stacy just told me the boys built a huge gorge in our backyard!
Linda: That hat might be a bit too tight.

Ben: Boy I’ll say. There’s no way Sam could have let the boys do that. But just in case, I better find a TV!

Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.! Doofenshmirtz: Oh, just come in! Into my trap! Yes! Sticky flypaper, Perry the Platypus! (Laughs) Quick story? Back in Druselstein in the days of my youth, there was a bully named Boris, and he always wore big, black boots. They called him "Big Black Boots Boris". He was always kicking sand in my face. When I was in the sandbox; Sand. My first date; Sand! Balancing my checkbook; Sand! The beach-- Oddly enough nothing. But I couldn't relax, because I kept waiting for it. Now, though, he will be the one doing the waiting. Behold! The Now who'd blinded by sand-Inator! Or maybe the Who's crying now-Inator or, something like-- Something with the "Inator" suffix. In any case, it's a giant sand kicking machine! You see, Perry the Platypus, Boris has moved to the Tri-State Area, so now, I am going to cover his entire house in sand! (Laughs maniacally)

Baljeet: Come see The Flying Fishmonger jump McGregor's Gorge! Tell your friends!
Buford: Do you know how dumb you look?
Baljeet: I thought it would be a good way to get more attention.
Girl (Cindy): I love your outfit. It's so cute.
Baljeet: Gorge!
Buford: Gorge jump!
Baljeet: Fishmongers fly again!
TV Announcer: Come see The Flying Fishmonger jump the gorge; Live.

Ben: GASP! Oh my dammit. If Mrs Flynn-Fletcher sees it, me and Sam will be busted! I better not let Candace see…

Candace: (Gasps) That's our yard! Mom, Mom! Come here! You gotta see this!

Ben: Oh no you don’t!

(Ben points the romote at the tv) TV Announcer: Sponsored by Gorgeous Cream Pore Paste.
Linda: Oh, honey, you're pores aren't that big.

Ben: Phew. I better go warn Sam before they get back!

Phineas: And now, what you've all come to see, The Flying Fishmongers!
(Crowd cheers) And here to play the Fishmonger's anthem are Isabella and the
Fireside Girls conducted by SamTheThomasFan1.

Sam: Okay girls. And a one and a two and a one two three four…

Fireside Girls: (Dirge-like) He's a fishmonger, and he flies

Sam: Wow. This is a theme tune? It’s not even good!

(Ben enters huffing and puffing)

Sam: Ben? What are you doing back so soon?

Ben: Sam, the family are on their way ba…

(Thunder crashes) Grandpa Reg: Well, me boy, looks like I'll never get to fulfill my dream.

Ben: That was a relief. Now we can put this all back before we all get into trouble!

Sam: Awwwww and we were just about to roll the gorge!

Phineas: Hey, guys. You can stop playing. Wait a second. Start again.
Fireside Girls: (Dirge-like)
He's a Fishmonger--

Phineas: Stop. Start.
Fireside Girls: (Dirge-like)
He's a Fishmonger...

Phineas: Grandpa, the song's so dreary, it's causing it to rain. Why don't we pep it up a little?
Grandpa Reg: Pep away, me boy.
Phineas: Hey, Sam! Crank it up a notch!
Sam: You got it, Phineas! All together!

Ben: Oh no!

(Song: The Flying Fishmonger (song))

Choir: Holy, Holy Mackerel (X4)

Phineas: He's bald on top, he's got an artificial hip

He's gonna take a hop, he's gonna take a trip

He's weak in the knees, and he can't find his keys

But put your hands together, 'cause he's here to please

He's a Flyin' Fishmonger

Fireside Girls: (Flyin' Fishmonger!)

Phineas: He's a Flyin' Fishmonger

Fireside Girls: (Death-Defying wonder!)

Phineas: He's a Flyin' Fishmonger with nerves of steel

He's got an old blender motor and a pair of wheels

Sam: Come on Ben. Join in the fun!

Ben: No Sam we really need to (screams) (Motor revving)

Newspaper Boy: Extra, extra! Fishmonger,two youtube people and kids jump McGregor's Gorge!
(Crowd cheering)

Ben: Oh my damiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!

Sam: Wahoo! Extra, extra! Fishmonger,two youtube people and kids plummet to their doom!
Grandpa Reg: Maybe we should have let it rain!
Phineas: Don't worry, Grandpa! We've got a backup plan!

Ben: Backup plan?!

Phineas: Sam!

Sam: You got it, Phineas! Prepare for infinity and beyond! (Pulls lever, Plane wings come out) Grandpa Reg: Good show!
(Wing breaks) Newspaper Boy: Extra, extr-- Aw, forget it.
Ben: Well does anyone have their final words? Grandpa Reg: Spot of tea?
Ben: No thanks!

'Candace: Dad, can we speed up this pony ride a little?
: Honey, I'll have you ladies home in two shakes of a lamb's tail.
(Tires screech) Woo! That was a close one.

(Telephone lines stretch; Boing)

Sam: Wow. And I thought the Troublesome Trucks Ride at Thomas Land was more dangerous than this! (Tires screech)

Ben: I’ll take it from here!

(Pulls wing, throws it in water)

(Bounce house deflates)

Kids: Aw.

Ben: Wow. How was that even possible that we were goanna jump on to a bounce house?

Sam: Beats me!

(Engine revving)

(Crowd cheers)

Grandpa Reg: Good show, me boy! Good show!

Sam: Wahoo. That was the most fun experience of my life. How about you, Ben?

(Ben huff and puffs)

Ben: Don’t… ask!

(Ben faints) (March theme)

Doofenshmirtz: (Laughs) The home of my former nemesis. Time to kick a little sand, eh, Perry the Platypus?
Perry! Tube socks? What is this, 1974? Well, it's too late now! (Button beeps) Oh! What are you doing? Grandma Winifred: Home again, home again.
Candace: Ah, finally!

Ben: Oh no. Here comes the family! Sam, we have a situation!

Sam: Not now Ben. Reg is about to say thank you! Grandpa Reg: Thank you, lads. For helping this old codger fulfill his dream.
Candace: Ha! You guys are so busted!

Ben: Oh no we’re too late!

Candace: Look at this, it's better than I thought! There's no way you're gonna get out of this one! Oh, Mom! Mom!

Ben: Do you have a plan to get out of this, Sam?

Sam: Not unless a truck filled with earth is goanna cover up the gorge and then rain turns it into grass but how would that ever happen?

Doofenshmirtz: Cut it out, Perry the Platypus! No grabbies! Ha! No stopping it now!
(Bucket clangs, Wind gusting) Even on my Sand-Kicking machine; Sand!
(Bucket clangs, Boot flies, Soil patches gorge)
Agent P! Curse you, Perry the Platypus! Grandpa Reg: Must say, love the new anthem.
Phineas: Hey, Perry.
Grandpa Reg: But I do miss the old one. Couldn't I hear it one last time?
Phineas: You got it, Grandpa!

Sam: Hold on. Get your umbrella, Ben! Okay girls, go ahead! Isabella/Fireside Girls: (Dirge-like) He's a Fishmonger, and he flies (X2) (Grass grows) (Birds chirping)

Sam: Wow. The thing I never thought would happen happened!

Ben: Well the good thing is we’re safe and just in time because Candace is about to come out with Mrs Flynn-Fletcher just about… now!

Candace: These four have really done it this time, Mom. Look what they did to the backyard.
Linda: Wow! You guys made the lawn look great! Oh, it's all weeded and watered. Oh, well done.

Ben: Ha got you that time Candace. Na na ne na na! Candace: I... I... (Squeaks) I...
Linda: What else did you do today?
Grandpa Reg: Well, these two roister-doisters wheeled out me old iron, built a crackin' match for McGregor's Gorge, and helped this daft ol' git one last knees-up.

Sam: What did he say, Ferb?

Ferb: I have absolutely no idea.

Ben: Welcome to my world!

Sam: Touchḗ!